The Calendar Isn’t the Boss of Me

Valentine's Day. The day of love, romance, and, for some, a lot of pressure to perform. But for me, it's just another day. The same 24 hours as any other day, filled with the same opportunities for joy, connection, meaning and a little bit of introspection. What did I do today? The same thing I would have done on any other Saturday, chores around the house, cleaning my bike (mainly because of all the rain), went to the cinema to watch "Crime 101" (which was terrible by the way although I went in expecting to like it) with a friend and then we grabbed a bite to eat, and now I'm writing this. It's been a good day, but it would have been a good day regardless of the date on the calendar.

I know looking at it from the outside, it would be easy to dismiss this as just me being single and trying to downplay the significance of a day that celebrates romantic love, and maybe there's some truth to that. But I think there's a deeper point here about how we assign meaning to certain days and how that can create unnecessary pressure and expectations. Valentine's Day is a great example of this; a day that at this point is heavily commercialized and marketed as a must-celebrate occasion for couples. It has now also evolved into being marketed as a day that everyone should celebrate in some way, even if they're single, because the capitalist machine needs to keep selling products and no one can be left out of the consumer frenzy because that would be leaving value on the table, and that is quite simply unacceptable (!).

On a personal note, I've seen my own parent argue about plans on around Valentine's Day and it was honestly quite sad to witness because what they wanted to do on the day was not that different from what they would have done on any other day, and all they needed was a little bit of intentionality and they could have done something nice together before or after the day, but instead they let the pressure of the day get to them and it ended up being a source of conflict rather than connection. It made me realize how much of this pressure is self-imposed and how much we buy into the narrative that certain days have to be celebrated in a specific way.

The other side of this is all the other made-up days that we have throughout the year. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Children's Day, Pancake Day, and on and on and on. Each one even more ridiculous and arbitrary than the last. And yet, we still feel this pressure to perform on these days, to show up in a specific way, like there's an rule which says we can only show love and appreciation on these designated days, or everything we've done on other days doesn't count especially if we don't do something on the made-up day. It's a strange paradox that we have these days to celebrate love and connection, but they can also create a lot of stress and anxiety around how we should be celebrating.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some Grinch who is against celebrating people you love. I think it can be really nice to have a day that encourages us to show appreciation and affection for the important people in our lives. But I also think it's important to recognize that these days are options, not obligations. They only have the power we give them. If you want to celebrate, celebrate. If you don't, that's fine too. The point is that love and connection should be a year-round thing, not just something we do on a specific day because the calendar says so. And if you really think about it, if you need a specific date on the calender to show someone you care, what does that say about the other 364 days (or 365 on a leap year)?.

Yes I know, It doesn't necessarily mean that you don't care on those other days, but given how much emphasis we put on these made-up days, it does make you wonder if maybe we should be putting more emphasis on the everyday moments of love and connection rather than just the big, flashy ones that the calendar dictates, because those everyday moments while easily overlooked, are like a snowball rolling down a mountain, they can start small but with a little bit of care and attention, they can grow and build up into something really special. They can be the foundation of a strong and meaningful relationship, and they can create a sense of intimacy and connection that is often more powerful than any grand gesture on a made-up day. So maybe instead of stressing about what to do on Valentine's Day or any other made-up day, we should just focus on being kind, thoughtful, and loving every day, and let the calendar be just a reminder of that rather than the boss of it.

I just realised I didn't actually know how to end this, although I guess I already did in the previous paragraph, but I also made an arbitrary decision when I started the blog that there would be at least three big quotes in every post. Why? Because the power of three (a great episode of Doctor Who) and all that jazz. I would end this with some thing about how we should all just do what makes us happy and not worry about the expectations of others or the pressure of the calendar, but that's a bit of a cop-out and I don't want to end on a cliché and I already did it in the previous paragraph so instead, I will end with a fun fact about the calender.

This year has three Friday the 13ths, the first was yesterday, the next one is in March and the last one is in November. If like me, you see Friday the 13th as a lucky day, you have two more chances to have a lucky day this year and then we have to wait until 2037 for the next occurrence. There is a pattern to when we get three Friday the 13ths in a year, it happens when the year starts on a Thursday in a common year or a Sunday in a leap year. The years this has/will occur in the 21st century are; 2009, 2012, 2015, 2026, 2037, 2040, 2043, 2054, 2065, 2068, 2071, 2082, 2093, 2096, 2099. The gap across the years is 3, 3, 11, 11. Which one could say is like a heartbeat, which is to say is one of the many "heartbeats" of the calendar. So if you are so inclined, maybe mark those dates on your calendar and do something nice for yourself or someone you care about. Or, maybe just treat them like any other day and find joy in the ordinary. Either way, I hope you have a great year ahead, filled with love, connection, and maybe even a little bit of luck on those Friday the 13ths.